How to Deal with Victim Mentality

Stuck In Life: How To Crush Victim Mentality

Are you feeling stuck in life? Blame your victim mentality. When you go through life with a victim mentality you trap yourself in a cycle of misery, blame and self-pity. This self-destructive mindset sabotages both personal and professional success. As a result, you end up feeling stuck in life.

You are unable to progress due to your perception that everyone is out there to get you. And you must protect yourself from the people that will “cause” you pain and unhappiness. This need for protection against those who may wrong you makes it impossible to trust people. Yet the opportunity to lead a happy, healthy life depends on our ability to trust others.

feeling stuck in life

What is it like to have a victim mentality?

A victim’s outlook on life is: I’m miserable, and happiness is out of my control. People with the victim mentality blame others, or the circumstances, for the bad things that happen to them. They fail to acknowledge they had a part in creating the unfortunate situation in which they may find themselves.

People who struggle with the victim mentality unconsciously seek problematic situations and relationships. And they are prone to overreacting, turning a minor setback into a major drama.

While some people have valid reasons to feel victimized, others become victims of their perceptions.

What causes the victim mentality?

The victim mindset develops within the family of origin during childhood. Children raised by parents who were indifferent, highly critical, or plain abusive adopt a victim mentality as adults. The victim mentality is also taught by parents who display its characteristics. These parents have a “poor me” attitude, and are unable to handle life’s difficulties in a healthy way. Unfortunately, parents with a victim mentality are unaware of the impact their behaviors have on the development of their children.

How can you crush the victim mentality?

1. Identify the root cause of your victim mentality

Look back at your childhood. Was there a person in your life that displayed victim behavior? Growing up, were there any events that made you feel unsafe, unloved, or neglected? Answering these two questions will provide you some insight into what may have laid the foundation for your victim mentality. And it will enable you to start healing those painful memories.

Do: Come to terms with your past. You had no control over your upbringing, but you are now in charge of your life.

2. Accept responsibility for your adult life

The only way to change your life is to accept responsibility for it. Don’t expect anyone to come and save you from your misery. You must dig your way out of it, and break the self-destructive cycle that keeps you stuck in life. Understand that your well-being can’t depend on external sources. You create it for yourself through self-acceptance, self-love and self-respect.

Do: Let go of your helpless identity. Hold yourself accountable whenever you display the victim behavior. Surround yourself with people who discourage self-pity.

3. Be aware of your victim tendencies

Remaining aware of your self-victimization tendencies allows you to stay vigilant. So when the victim mentality shows up, you can address it right away. This requires a high level of self-awareness, and the willingness to accept when you’re wrong.

Do: Be honest with yourself, and recognize that you are no longer a helpless child. Exercise your adult power in constructive ways.

4. Quit blame-shifting

Stop blaming your past, the people in your life, or your circumstances for your misery. While a traumatic past leaves deep imprints on people, the only way out of its grip is to forgive. Forgive the people that caused you pain, and forgive yourself for not being able to cope better until now. Avoid creating new grudges, they are like poison for your mind. Holding grudges sinks you deeper into suffering.

Do: Let go of resentment and the desire for revenge. You can’t control other people’s actions, but you can control your reactions to them. Be ready to accept your mistakes, and take responsibility for them.

5. Be fearless in your pursuit of success

Fear fuels the victim mentality. Victims are afraid of failure, and of others disappointing them. So they isolate themselves from people and situations that require them to show vulnerability. Their fears hold them back from pursuing dreams and achieving goals. Yet overcoming the victim mentality, and getting unstuck in life, requires a healthy dose of vulnerability.

Do: Embrace feeling vulnerable at times. Take chances, challenge yourself to do better, and be better. Accept yourself as a work-in-progress. And actively work on your struggles.

Living with a victim mentality can be crippling. The longer you allow yourself to identify with it, the deeper you will sink into despair and unworthiness.

As you embark on the journey to defeat your victim mentality you will question everything you are and know. So be prepared to dispute your beliefs, and stay open to new ways of living life. Your sense of identity will be challenged. It won’t be easy to prevail, but the price of standing still is much higher.

Read next: Defeat Fear Of Change: Find Happiness

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Bond with Your Child

How To Build A Strong Bond With Your Child

Building a strong bond with your child is crucial for a satisfying parent-child relationship. In addition, children’s mental development benefits greatly from a strong bond between parents and children. Studies show that children who have a good bond with their parents are more likely to become happy, independent, and resilient adults.

Ideally, the process of building a strong bond with your child begins at birth. However, that’s not always possible. Factors like birth complications, postpartum depression, or lack of social support can stand in the way. But it’s never too late to build a healthy parent-child relationship.

If you are a future parent, be prepared for the challenges of parenthood for an easier transition. Don’t romanticize the idea of having a child. Despite the amazing things that come with becoming a parent, there are also difficulties. As we all know, cute little babies grow up fast, and we must keep pace with our patience.

building a strong bond with your child

The following five tips are based on positive parenting, the attachment theory,  and personal experience.

1. Discipline with love

All parents struggle to find the right way to effectively discipline their children. However, avoid harsh discipline as it’s very damaging to the parent-child bond. Think how intimidating it must be to have a person many times your size hover over you, demanding your obedience. Often times, we forget how vulnerable children feel when we attempt to discipline them. We may also forget to remind our children of our unconditional love. Children need to know they are not bad when they behave badly. They are simply learning to manage their emotions, and to make wiser decisions.

Tip: When attempting to discipline your children, separate them from their behaviors. Assure them of your love while letting them know that you don’t condone their behaviors, or actions.

Practice: For toddlers- distract them, or remove them from the trigger situation as you physically comfort them. Remind yourself that tantrums don’t last forever. Don’t worry about people looking at you if you’re in a public place. Your toddler’s well-being is more important than the approval of a stranger.

For older kids- when your children misbehave, make eye contact with them as you attempt to discipline them. Give two warnings, then count to three, and if they don’t stop, express your love for them and remove a privilege.

2. Treat them with respect

Have you ever caught yourself yelling at your children telling them to stop yelling? How about trying to get them to do as you say by being sarcastic, or humiliating them? As any parent will tell you, parenting the right way is not easy. Nor do we ever do it perfectly. We have so much going on in our lives, and so little time to do it all well. We are stretched thin, and, as a result, our patience is limited. So we may say, or do things we later regret. But we can’t demand respect from our children through disrespect, it never works.

Tip: Becoming a more mindful parent helps put things into perspective. It allows us to see our children as the immature human beings they are. Remember, they are not trying to upset us on purpose. They just need our help to guide them through our overwhelming adult centered world.

Practice: Speak to your child as you’d speak to an adult you respect. Give them instructions instead of orders, and offer explanations instead of “because I said so”.

3. Have one-on-one time

Giving a child your undivided attention is essential for the development of a strong bond. Children need to be heard and seen by their caregivers without distractions. They want to know we value them, and they are a priority in our lives.

Tip: You don’t need to go out of your way to spend quality time with your child. For instance, adding a few extra minutes to the bedtime routine can be enough to fill your child’s daily love tank.

Practice: Incorporate “special time” in your child’s daily routine. Special time means you spend an uninterrupted amount of time connecting with your child through play. Allow them to choose special time activities.

4. Actively listen to them

Active listening means paying attention to your child’s behavior and body language as they speak. When we half-hear our children we miss subtle cues that offer valuable insight into their emotional well-being. Also, when we actively listen to our children, we make them feel cherished, loved, and secure. As a result, they will share more of their thoughts and worries with us, which allows us to address a situation before it turns into a tantrum, or bad behavior.

Tip: Pay close attention to the way you currently listen to your children when they speak. If you find yourself giving mindless answers that frustrate them, or make them repeat themselves, it’s time to start practicing active listening.

Practice: Next time your child attempts to speak to you, reply promptly even if you can’t start a conversation right away. Let them know you acknowledge them, and you will listen to them. This also prevents a meltdown, which is a child’s attempt to grab the caregiver’s attention.

5. Lead with empathy

Finally, attempt to see things from your child’s perspective. Be empathetic towards the big emotions little humans feel while lacking the ability to control them. When children feel accepted and understood they thrive.

Tip: Don’t act like your children’s boss, instead walk alongside them. Validate their feelings, and tell them how you were once in their shoes. Being able to relate to someone in a difficult situation provides comfort and relief.

Practice: Resist the urge to tell your children to do things, or express their feelings the way you do. Instead, allow them the opportunity to show you their way, then offer your opinion and support.

You can now start paving the way to a fulfilling relationship with your (future adult) child. There is nothing more rewarding than a lifelong parent-child bond.

How do you to create a strong bond with your child? Share your tips in the comments section.

Read next: Mindful Parenting: Stay Present, Think Ahead

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How to Overcome Fear of Change

Defeat Fear Of Change: Find Happiness

“Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.”

John Maxwell

When we resist change, we deny ourselves the opportunity to fully bloom. As a result, we struggle to reach a higher level of life satisfaction, and happiness.

Fear of change can turn your life stale, and reduce you to being a prisoner of your circumstances. When you allow fear to decide for you, it prevents you from living up to your full potential.

But why are we afraid of change when life is ever-changing?

We are afraid of change when we lack adaptability. Think of the changes we go through as humans, from birth to adulthood. Our brains and bodies constantly transforming. Our priorities, wishes and wants also change as we age. In this case, change is forced upon us. We can’t resist it, so we accept it. We adapt.

Adaptability is one of the most important life skills for overall success. Refusal to adapt, isolates us from potential role models. And it stunts our personal and professional growth.

People who have an easier time adapting, are also more resilient. And studies show, resilient people are happier with themselves due to their ability to use positive emotions to rebound from negative situations. So learn how to defeat fear of change. Become more adaptable, and gain resilience to not just exist, but live happily.

fear change

Having lived in four different countries, and moved seven times in eight years, I know that fear of change can be overcome. Adaptability can be learned, and resilience gained. But it took me a while to figure this out.I used to dread change. I was the type of person who wanted to live in the same house forever, and have my entire life planned out. As we all know, life rarely goes according to plan, which is why it’s so important to remain positive, and adapt to change.

Here are the main reasons we fear change, and how we can adapt to become more resilient.

1. Change is uncomfortable.

Yes, change is uncomfortable, but can be so rewarding. Standing still, on the other hand, almost always leads to monotony and melancholy. We are able to change when we learn to accept feeling uncomfortable. And when we understand that feeling this way is what leads to the outcomes we desire. Progress means discomfort.

Adapt: Learn to let go of the notion that change is bad, and you should protect yourself from it. Acknowledge and accept that discomfort will be a part of your journey. Plan ahead how to deal with it.

2. We are afraid of failure.

Fear of failure is perhaps the most prevalent of all fears associated with change. We fear failing because we are afraid of bruising our egos, disappointing others, or losing more than we stand to gain.

Adapt: Remind yourself that while failures can be painful, they are also life lessons. Think of your past failures, and how you’ve recovered from them. Take calculated risks that allow for the rewards to be greater than the potential losses.

3. We fear the unknown.

People like to know what to expect from the actions they take. When we embark on a new venture with an uncertain outcome, we panic. We overthink the details, envision the worst case scenario, and can ultimately talk ourselves out of doing it.

Adapt: Recognise how little control we actually have in determining the future. Despite working hard toward the achievement of a goal, and doing all the right things, you can still be unsuccessful at reaching it. So do your best, and hope for the best. Channel your positive side.

4. Change challenges our identities.

In some situations, change can threaten one’s sense of identity. Our identities are a cluster of values our parents ingrained in us, mixed with our environments and cultures. However, if those values happen to misalign with who we are today, we may want to let go of them. The adaptable people are more likely to achieve change, while those who are afraid of it stay stuck in an unfulfilling life.

Adapt: Acknowledge that no one can change the essence of who you are. You are in charge of your identity. So try to achieve the change you fear, the worst that can happen is you go back to who you were before. But if you don’t try, you’ll never know what could be. Remember, there’ll always be someone who disagrees with you. So stay true to yourself, it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself. Unapologetic living is the way to a wholesome life.

5. We don’t believe in our capabilities.

Most of us don’t want to admit feeling incapable. Instead, when we don’t believe we’re capable enough, we avoid taking on a task. This lack of self-trust holds us back from reaching our goals and fulfilling our dreams.

Adapt: Encourage yourself to pursue a new dream, or goal that you never thought you can reach. Actively work toward accomplishing it while fully trusting your capabilities. Because you are as competent as you allow yourself to be.

Fear is a natural emotion that every single one of us feels for a variety of reasons. Allow yourself to feel it, but don’t let it guide your decisions. You can defeat fear of change, when you realize how capable you are of handling change. Make fear follow your lead, not the other way around. Build resilience, and watch your life improve. Enjoy the ultimate prize- Happiness.

You may also like: Become A More Mindful Person: 5 Easy Steps

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mindful parenting

Mindful Parenting: Stay Present, Think Ahead

In the throes of our busy lives, mindful parenting seems like an unattainable goal. But as the old saying goes, “where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

The demands of the modern world on today’s parents are overwhelming. We are inundated with information on how to do things the right way, or how we’re failing our children. We are judged based on our parenting styles, and frowned upon if it doesn’t fall into the authoritative category. Children are expected to behave better than adults, and work harder than ever for stellar academic achievements.

This article’s purpose is not to tell you how to parent, but to help you have a better time doing it. And in the process, help your child flourish, and acquire the skills needed to become a well-adjusted adult.

mindful parenting

The benefits of mindful parenting extend to both parents and children. Studies show that mindful parenting fosters healthy parent-child relationships. And it enhances parents’ and children’s ability to regulate their emotions. 

A recent study has linked mindful parenting to better decision-making in children, which is an essential 21st century skill. The reason children who were raised by mindful parents make better decisions is their emotional self-regulation ability. Yet another good reason to give mindful parenting a try.

So how do you embrace mindful parenting?

You stay present, and think ahead. Easy right? Not really, but it will be easier than you expect. Let me explain.

How do you stay present?

By reminding yourself to be present. We all lead busy lives, and in the midst of parenting chaos it’s easy to forget to live in the moment. Because who wants to live in chaos anyway? But this is life with kids. So instead of turning a chaotic moment into a power struggle, or self-pity and regret, turn it into a life lesson for your kids. 

When your children don’t listen after you’ve told them to brush their teeth 25 times, talk to them about natural consequences. Not brushing teeth leads to cavities, and cavities lead to other outcomes, and so on. While it may not make them brush their teeth willingly twice a day, it will certainly change the tone of the conversation. And make them more likely to cooperate. Plus, you’ve just modeled emotional self-regulation. Monkey see, monkey do!

How does thinking ahead help you stay present?

By seeing the adult in your child’s eyes. Everything we do and say to our children will shape the adults they become. When you parent mindfully, you consider the impact of your words and actions on your child’s development. Therefore, thinking ahead forces you to stay present. But that doesn’t mean you’re never allowed to mess up, because you will. 

There will be times when you’ll fail at being a mindful parent. In those moments, allow yourself time to calm down, forgive yourself and apologize to your child. Use these moments as yet another life lesson, and explain to your child that perfection is unattainable. And mistakes are learning opportunities.

Being a parent is the most conflicting job you can ever have. It is exhausting but energizing, difficult but beautiful. A natural instinct, yet an endless learning process. We constantly question our parenting ability, and never feel as though we are good enough at it. 

As parents, we rarely praise ourselves for the resilience required to just be a parent, let alone a good one. So take a moment to appreciate yourself, and commend your parenting efforts. 

If you’re reading this article, know you are indeed a good parent. You are dedicating your precious time to gathering information for the wellbeing of your child. One perfect example of a selfless act.

Have you ever tried mindful parenting? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

You might also like: Become A More Mindful Person: 5 Easy Steps

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Practical Tips for A Healthy Relationship

9 Practical Tips For A Healthy Relationship

A healthy relationship is like medicine for your soul. It is a source of comfort, security and joy. We all know how important good relationships are, both for our hearts and minds. But not everyone is willing to expend the conscious effort required to preserve them.

Every relationship goes through highs and lows, but the balancing scale should tilt toward the highs. And if it doesn’t, it’s time for an overhaul. Don’t settle for an OK relationship. Aim for a better, healthier relationship.

While there are endless ways to enhance your relationship, I tried to stay practical with my advice. I combined research with my personal experience to give you nine tips you can actually use.

healthier relationship

For a healthy relationship…

1. Set common goals

Setting common goals in a relationship is a great way to bond and enhance communication. Plus, when you set a common goal, you are more likely to achieve it. But ensure that your goals are in alignment with your values. Create a plan and agree to work on it equally to make your goal happen. And don’t forget to celebrate the milestones along the way.

2. Stay interested in your partner

Strive to make your significant other feel valued and understood. Show interest in their feelings, passions, wishes, or ongoing projects. We all want to be heard and seen, especially by our loved ones. Staying interested in your partner is an essential aspect of a healthy relationship.

3. Be generous with affection

Make showing affection part of your daily routines. There are so many ways you can show affection in a relationship that don’t require over the top actions. It could be a gentle touch, a soft kiss, a hug, a kind smile, a loving look etc. This tip offers instant benefits. Try it, and you’ll know what I mean.

4. Have realistic expectations

When two strangers come together to form a couple, there’s bound to be differences. And as a relationship progresses, they turn into “nagging differences”. You know, the ones we nag each other about on a frequent basis. Areas like cleanliness, organization, housework, and errands are just a few. Whatever it is you expect from your partner, make sure it’s realistic and it truly matters. Unrealistic expectations are a source of conflict.

5. Learn to listen more

Nothing is more frustrating than trying to get your point across to a person who won’t hear you out. And we are all guilty of it sometimes. When your partner speaks to you, make eye contact, lean in, and nod to let them know you are listening. Look for cues that tell you when to interject without talking over them.

6. Schedule lots of mini dates

As relationships progress, it’s important to continue dating each other. Yet, life gets so busy that we forget to make it a priority. While having a date night sounds very romantic, for a lot of us it doesn’t happen often enough. Instead, you can schedule daily mini dates. A mini date can take place anywhere, and anytime the two of you are alone. You can snuggle on the couch, flirt up a storm, have dessert after dark, take a walk etc. Get creative!

7. Don’t assume or judge

Aren’t we all quick to make assumptions? When we assume things about people, or what they say, we create an image of them that isn’t always accurate. This is where good listening skills come in handy. The right way to listen is to process information free of judgement. Be an example of empathy your partner will want to follow. It will come with extraordinary benefits.

8. Never use the silent treatment

The silent treatment is one of the most damaging conflict resolution techniques you can use in a relationship. But that doesn’t mean you have to participate in heated fights without retracting. Sometimes, stepping away from an argument when upset leads to a better outcome. However, if you withdraw, sulk, and ignore your partner for days, that is the silent treatment. Avoid it at all cost.

9. Don’t focus on defeating your partner

Oftentimes, we turn average fights into a competition of olympic proportions. We place so much emphasis on who is right, who is wrong, and who should win, that we forget what we’re even trying to achieve. Rather than focusing on coming out the winner at the end of a disagreement, focus on its importance. Is it worth fighting for? And what difference does it even make whether you win or lose? None. At the end of the day, you both want the best for each other, you just see things differently. Embrace your differences, and learn to let go of the little stuff. Agree to disagree more often.

Relationships are complex, but they don’t have to be hard. If you actively invest in the health of your relationship, it will become your greatest source of joy.

How passionate is your relationship? Take this fun quiz to find out.

Do you have any tips for a healthy relationship? Please share them below.

You might also like: How To Have A Better Relationship

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How to Have a Better Relationship

How To Have A Better Relationship

There comes a time when we all wish to have a better, happier relationship with our partners. But do we know how we came to the need to mend our relationships? 

I am certain you remember the day you met this person who ticked all the boxes on your “the one” list. As well as the warm, fuzzy feelings of the first loving embrace. What about those euphoric thoughts on the amazing connection you have? This is the sensational feeling of a fresh new love looming over you that leads you to believe things will always be this way. In fact, you say to yourself: THIS IS TRUE LOVE. It is never ending, and we will live happily ever after.

Meanwhile, life happens, and your once perfect relationship is now in need of an overhaul.

So what actually happened? How do you go from blissful love to anguish? 

Relationships need maintenance. We tend to believe that a good relationship should just come naturally. And if we find “the right person” the relationship will grow stronger, and evolve on its own. But it isn’t so. A good relationship is learned and nurtured. It is created by two equally interested and involved partners. 

For greater relationship satisfaction, strive to make the other person feel valued and understood.

Here are a few things you can do to enhance your relationship.

Determine your method of comfort

healthy relationship

And encourage your partner to do the same. According to Milan and Kay Yerkovich in the book How We Love, how one experiences comfort and relief as a child is an important aspect of healthy adult relationships. 

The three vital ingredients of comfort are:

  • Touch: if you received physical comfort as a child, a soothing touch from your partner could be enough to make you feel loved in a moment of distress.
  • Listening: if you were raised by parents who were good listeners, and who comforted you with their words, chances are you feel your best when your partner validates your feelings.
  • Relief: if your parent was able to successfully comfort you, it brought relief which gave you the ability to better understand yourself and form a secure attachment.

Learning how you were comforted as a child will reveal a lot about the way you communicate and behave in your relationship. Moreover, it will help you identify with one, or more, of the following five love styles.

Establish your love style

love style

Did you know that how we were comforted as children can determine our love styles as adults? 

Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich have identified five love styles:

1. The Avoider

People who relate to the avoider love style often have a hard time recognizing, sharing and dealing with their feelings. The avoiders don’t like to feel vulnerable, and find it difficult to comfort an emotionally upset partner. They fear being perceived as weak, so avoiders can seem cold and distant. Also, they tend to blame their partner for their problems to avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes.

Tip for the avoider: Practice vulnerability. And avoid blaming your partner for your problems. Blame-shifting leads to recurrent fights with no resolution.

Tip for the avoider’s partner:  Know that the avoiders find comfort in detaching themselves from their feelings. So help your partner open up by being understanding and considerate towards them.

2. The Pleaser

The pleasers do their best to please others in order to protect themselves emotionally. These are the people who go to great lengths to avoid conflict, and to keep those around them happy. And they do so because their happiness, or distress, depends on others’. 

Tip for the pleaser: Acknowledge your anxiety and codependent tendencies. In addition, keep in mind, your worthiness doesn’t depend on anyone’s approval. Finally, get out of your comfort zone to find yourself.

Tip for the pleaser’s partner: Encourage pleasers to become more independent and to face their fears. Remember that pleasers seek approval, so try not to criticise them. Instead, offer your unconditional support.

3. The Vacillator

Vacillators are defined as emotionally volatile people. One minute they love you, the next they dislike you. They are prone to having high expectations of a relationship. And when their (often unrealistic) expectations aren’t met they feel resentful and hurt.  

Tip for the vacillator: Try not to make assumptions about other people’s behavior, thoughts and feelings. Attempting to predict another person’s intentions is just a guessing game. 

Tip for the vacillator’s partner: Kindly get your point across using “I” statements when dealing with an upset vacillator. Set limits for the vacillator, and make respect and unbreakable rule in the relationship.

4. The Controller 

The controller love style stems from unresolved trauma, often from childhood. Controllers are individuals who grew up in chaotic environments, lacking positive parent-child interactions. They likely received little to no admiration from their parents as children. As adults, they look to compensate for their low self-esteem by exerting control over their partners.

Tip for the controller: Allow yourself to feel the pain of your trauma, and admit it. Work on uncovering and undoing the patterns of your behavior. Once you let go of excessive control you’ll be a much better partner, and a happier person.

Tip for the controller’s partner: Understand the history of the controllers’ life, and separate the person from the behavior. If possible, encourage them to seek professional help.

5. The Victim

Like the controller, the victim love style stems from an unstable childhood filled with conflict. However, the victim love style relates closer to the pleaser. Both pleasers and victims steer clear of conflict, and have a hard time standing up for themselves. But victims will go to greater lengths to stay within their comfort zones. 

Tip for the victim: Bring your unresolved trauma to light and address it. Understand that healing is possible, and become aware of how worthy you are.

Tip for the victim’s partner: Don’t take advantage of the victims’ weakness. Be kind, considerate and supportive toward your partner.

Here is The Love Style Quiz that will help you find out your love style.

Sort out financial differences

good relationship

Interestingly, we tend to select partners that are our spending opposites. A study from the University of Michigan actually confirmed our tendencies. But partnering up with our “money opposite” leads to more fights over money, and lower marital satisfaction. 

Therefore, have an honest conversation with your partner about how money is spent in your relationship. Try to come to an agreement on how to spend money that aligns with your common goals. However, do allow your partner to feed occasional indulgences.  

Encourage personal growth

Several studies have shown that supportive relationships influence personal growth. And personal growth is a key component of a healthy relationship. Given the link between the two, we should encourage our partners to better themselves. 

The best way to promote personal growth in a relationship is to endorse your partner’s goals. Explore those goals side by side, and show interest in each other’s ideas. 

Learn to let go

couples relationship

Letting go is not an easy thing to do, but if you stay focused on the benefits of mastery, you will succeed at it.

We all enter relationships with emotional baggage, and we often project our past experiences on our present partners. Or if you’re currently in a long term relationship, you might be holding grudges from previous fights. 

It is important to see your relationship as a blank slate, and resist the temptation to bring up the past. People change and evolve over time. Who wants to be reminded of a mistake they made 10 years ago?

Once you learn to let go of previous patterns, you’ll be better equipped to overlook the nagging little stuff that arise in every relationship. As a result, you’ll enjoy a happier, more rewarding relationship.

How did you make your relationship better? Please tell us in the comment section.

You might also like: 3 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship: How To Fix It

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How To Reach Your Goals: Intrinsic Motivation

Do you want to know how to stay motivated to reach your goals? It might be easier than you thought.

Chances are that if you set a goal, you have an emotional connection to it. So why not tap into the attachment you have to your goal to make it happen? You can do that by bringing intrinsic motivation on the journey. Let’s dive into the how to part.

Before we get started with the plan of action, I would like to remind you of the importance of self-awareness and self-acceptance when setting a goal. It is crucial that you learn to let go of past failures, present negative mindsets, and of what-will-people-say thoughts. Also, keep future expectations realistic by setting specific goals and making them relevant to you. 

reach goals

Intrinsic motivation is defined as doing something for innate satisfaction rather than for some separable results. This type of motivation is activated when you perform activities that are naturally rewarding and growth promoting.

 So how can you use intrinsic motivation to reach your goals? I will explain how through the following 5 steps.

1. Visualize your goals

I believe the best way to get motivated to reach any goal is to first get excited about it. Think of the said goal in a subjective way. Visualize yourself reaching that goal with no obstacles in place, and what getting there would feel like. Or how it will change your life. Doing so serves as a great incentive to get started. 

Tip: Feel free to daydream about your goals. Keep them present in your mind as a constant reminder of the end result. 

2. Relate to your goals

It is likely that the goals you set mean a lot to you, so inject emotion in them. Relate to them as you’d relate to a friend or family member. Nurture them, allocate the necessary time towards reaching them, and be ready to compromise when you get sidetracked. Your goals must become a priority in your life in order to achieve them.

Tip: Ensure that the goals you set give you a deep sense of purpose, and a great amount of pride in attaining them. Don’t set a goal with a beat-the-competition mindset. It rarely works.

3. Monitor your goals

According to research published by the American Psychological Association, monitoring your progress towards achieving a goal greatly increases the likelihood of triumph. Your chances of success are even higher if you share your progress publicly, or physically record it. This is a step that is often overlooked, but it could actually determine the fate of your goals.

Tip: Write down your goal and the timeframe in which you would like to achieve it. Determine how often you need to check in with your goal, and monitor your progress.

4. Reward milestones

Sometimes, attaining a goal can be a very lengthy process that can feel tiring and overwhelming. So reward your milestones with both superficial rewards and meaningful rewards. Also, acknowledge the steps you took to get to these milestones. In doing so, you remain motivated to stay on the journey to success. 

Tip: The rewards can be anything from a glass of wine, your favorite dessert, a new item, to going for a weekend getaway, or whatever else is meaningful to you.

5. Keep an inner scorecard

When you set new goals and work towards attaining them, don’t forget to also remind yourself of your past achievements. Bring to light how you reached those goals, and how you felt afterward. When we remind ourselves of the times we persevered, we let go of feelings of doubt and self-judgement. And these are the types of feelings that tend to keep us from accomplishing our goals.

Tip: Use your past accomplishments as a tool to give yourself a pep talk every step of your way to victory.

In conclusion, when setting a goal make sure you do so for reasons that are meaningful to you in some way. Do your best to make the experience as satisfying as possible, and allow yourself mini rewards along the way. You got this!

Do you have any other tips? Please share them below. 

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