relationship satisfaction

3 Easy Ways to Increase Relationship Satisfaction

Are you waiting for your partner to guess what you need? Do you focus on their flaws? Do you keep score of who-did-what? If you can relate, then you’re sabotaging your relationship satisfaction.

Few of us are aware of the damage these nagging situations cause over time. When you look at the big picture they may seem like natural relationship squabbles. But when these three scenarios happen on a daily basis, they slowly deteriorate the relationship. The ongoing frustration they cause leads to resentment, which leads to unhappiness within the relationship. And the truth is, most of us are guilty of at least one, if not all.

Whether you are in a long term relationship, or are married with children, there are things you can do to ensure these three situations won’t affect your relationship satisfaction.

increase relationship satisfaction

Here are three effective ways to increase relationship satisfaction:

1. Don’t wait for your partner to guess what you need, ask for it.

For instance, does your partner forget your birthday while you’d like to be celebrated? If so, don’t sulk or complain for their lack of consideration. Some people are truly not into celebrating things, and if you’re the opposite you will feel let down. Instead, let them know how much it means to you that they make your day special. Give them gentle reminders along the way. Their failure to celebrate you the way you’d like to be celebrated doesn’t mean they don’t care. It means, they simply don’t value it as much as you do.

The above example can apply to other situations as well. Such as your desire for more physical affection, or a need for space. Whether it’s a physical or emotional need you’d like your partner to fulfill, ask for it. Let them know how much it means to you, and how it makes you feel when those needs go unmet. Tap into the value of open communication without blaming, or complaining.

2. Don’t dwell on your partner’s flaws, highlight the qualities.

It’s so easy to point out what our partners are lacking, or the habits that annoy us. But if we focus too much on what’s lacking we miss out on what’s available. Our partners’ most prominent qualities are what made us fall in love with them. And those qualities are still there, but you must remind yourself of their presence.

We like to think that the grass on the other side is greener, but it’s not. Everyone comes with a set of flaws. It’s a matter of which ones you consider dealbreakers, or how they measure up against the qualities. It’s important not to overlook your partner’s attributes out of frustration, resentment or hardship. So next time you find yourself emphasizing your partner’s defects, think of the positive traits. It’s amazing how that shifts your mindset and increases relationship satisfaction. Our thoughts are so powerful they become reality. So think wisely.

3. Don’t keep score of who-did-what, appreciate what gets done.

Who-does-what in a relationship is a big source of conflict for couples. Life gets so busy and we all feel overwhelmed at times. And in those moments, we are tempted to confront our partners for not doing their part. But these types of confrontations always end with a sour taste. Instead of expecting your partner to do the things that overwhelm you, set up systems to equally divide responsibilities.

A relationship, like everything else, needs structure, consistency and dedication to thrive. So come to an agreement on dividing duties that leaves you both satisfied. Show appreciation for each other’s efforts. Remember, you are a team working towards the same goals. Make increasing your relationship satisfaction one of them.

Strive to see the glass half full in your relationship by staying responsive towards your partner.  Address frustrations as soon as they surface and communicate openly. It will pave the way for a more satisfying relationship.

How strong is your relationship? This quiz will help you find out.

Read next: 3 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship: How To Fix It

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How to Overcome Fear of Failure and Rejection?

How To Proceed When You Fear Failure

Why do we fear failure?

We fear failure because we are afraid of tainting our carefully crafted image of ourselves. We fear being judged, ridiculed, or not meeting expectations. And we fear not measuring up to the high standards we set for ourselves. But if we dwell on the potential of failure for too long, fear stops us from proceeding at all.

How do you proceed when you fear failure?

Think about it, what is the worst that can happen if you give it a try? Well, you fail at succeeding this time, you learn from your mistakes and keep going. Yes, that’s right, you’ll likely go on with your life, and eventually find your way out of an unfortunate situation. But what is the worst that can happen if you don’t try? You prevent yourself from achieving your goals. Result? Failure.

As you can see from the two answers above, you risk failing either way. But the price of not trying is higher, because you may have something truly valuable to offer, or gain. The potential rewards of proceeding through fear of failure are far greater than the pitfalls. And you never know when an attempt to face your fears leads to greatness. Give yourself this opportunity.

Here are three tips to proceed with your goals when you fear failure.

Proceed Through Fear of Failure

1. Don’t focus on what you don’t want to happen.

I am sure you can find endless reasons you shouldn’t do something. That negative voice inside your head is the mastermind behind your fear of failure. So silence it by finding the reasons you should do something. Focus on achieving a positive outcome and do your best to make it happen. Also, keep in mind that some of the most successful people in the world failed multiple times before they found success. Why would you be any different? The key to succeeding is perseverance. You fall, you get up and you try again.

2. Don’t expect a smooth road to success.

Even if you reach your peak in life, you won’t remain there forever. It’s an up and down thing. Nobody stays at their peak forever, because life is made of highs and lows. Without one, we wouldn’t know the other. Instead of obsessing over how to prevent those lows, be aware that it’s a natural life cycle. Strive for the best outcome, but handle failure with grace and an open mind. Your energy and time are never wasted when you attempt to achieve a goal. Life is a never ending learning journey, and failure is part of its lessons.

3. Take a healthy dose of mindfulness.

Mindfulness is an indispensable tool when dealing with fear of failure. It allows you to pay attention in the present moment, nonjudgmentally. And it helps you focus on creating something you’re proud of without expecting approval, or admiration. So when you catch yourself fearing failure, find an inner source of calm. Activities like listening to music, going for a walk, or playing with a pet are great sources to tap into when you’re feeling anxious or fearful.

Treat fear of failure as a naturally occuring feeling, but don’t allow it to stand in the way of pursuing dreams. Remember, even if you are gifted, talented, or extremely knowledgeable in your field, there will always be someone who won’t like your work, or who will disagree with your opinion. The constant need for approval and appreciation fuels fear of failure so don’t expect either. Instead, allow curiosity and interest in the end result to lead the way. They will keep you motivated as you go through the process of reaching your target destination.

Finally, self-acceptance and self-awareness must be at the base of everything you do. Be aware of your potential because you can only be as great as you allow yourself to be. And instill passion in your goals since passion is what will keep you going when you feel like giving up. Now, proceed!

For a great source of inspiration on resilience read my favorite book of all time Unbroken, by Laura Hillenbrand

You may also like: Become A More Mindful Person: 5 Easy Steps

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Restore a Relationship

5 Questions To Help You Restore A Relationship

Are you about to give up on a relationship before truly giving it one last chance? To find out, look at a broken relationship the same way you’d look at an old house in need of restoration. A house that was once treasured, appreciated and admired by its owners. Instead of demolishing it, choose to restore it to its glory days.

To restore a relationship to its prime you’ll need to answer the following five questions. Use those answers as your blueprint to guide you through the restoration process.

Giving up on a Relationship

Question 1- What made you fall in love with your partner?

While it may be difficult to answer this question when your relationship is in shambles, it’s the most detailed answer you’ll want to give. It is the answer that will lay the foundation for the work ahead. So make an effort to remember and feel those first days when you were falling in love with your partner. What was the greatest personality trait you noticed in your partner? What did they do to make you feel loved, valued and happy?

You may be surprised to find out that those qualities you loved in your partner are still there. But they’re likely covered in the dust and ashes of your fights. We spend so much time focusing on what our partners are lacking that we bury those fond memories. It’s time to begin the digging process and repair the foundation of your relationship.

Question 2- What do you hate about your partner?

You may have a long list of the things you hate about your partner, and that’s fine. It’s important to list everything you can think of so you know which areas need restoring. But remember, sometimes, even the most beautiful masterpieces can’t be perfectly restored. Yet, that doesn’t stop us from admiring and treasuring them.

Now, I’m not implying you need to change your partner for the relationship to work. Instead, bring awareness to the things and behaviors that are negatively impacting your relationship. To reap the full benefits of the restoration process encourage your partner to list what they hate about you as well. Remember to keep an open mind and avoid shaming or blaming. This is an exercise to help you see things from each other’s perspective.

Question 3- What are the top three things you fight about?

Underneath every fight and argument lies an unmet need, or unfulfilled dream. When you look at your fights bearing this in mind, it will make them feel less personal. You’ll be less likely to feel attacked and more likely to have empathy for your partner who is using that fight as a relief from reality.

All couples have recurring fights that chip away at the health of their relationship. When these fights go on for too long resentment moves in and wreaks havoc. So determine at least three things you seem to fight about the most and begin looking for solutions. More often than not these recurring fights have roots in our past. Once you establish their causes you’ll be better equipped to handle them.

Question 4- Does your relationship resemble your parents’?

Pay close attention to how your relationship resembles your parents’. Our upbringing, and the relationships we grow up witnessing, have a tremendous impact on our adult relationships. We unconsciously search for partners that mirror our caregivers, and recreate their relationships.

If your partner possesses the traits you dislike in your parent, figure out why you dislike them. These traits are likely bothering you because they somehow threaten your values. In which case, you may be facing a problem with misaligned values within the relationship. Misaligned personal values are a big source of conflict in a relationship. To be able to reach a compromise that won’t threaten your identities you must practice tolerance. Treat your partner as an individual rather than an extension of yourself.

Question 5- What is the price of staying vs leaving?

You’ll want to establish the reasons you’re staying in your current relationship to figure out if they’re sustainable. If it’s convenience, finances, or the children that are keeping you in the relationship, it will eventually end. If love and common values are what motivate you to stay in the relationship, then you have a good chance of restoring the spark. And if it’s a combination of the two scenarios, there’s still hope. You simply have to put in the work to gain more insight into what’s keeping your relationship from being great again, and address those issues.

Sometimes the price of staying in a relationship is higher than leaving. Any sort of ongoing abuse is a good indicator that the relationship isn’t worth restoring. If you’ve attempted to repair an abusive relationship and have been unsuccessful, it’s time to let go. No amount of work will restore your relationship at this point. And the longer an abusive relationship drags on, the deeper the scars you’ll be left with. While it’s heartbreaking to let go of a relationship you’ve been nurturing for a long period of time, sometimes it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.

Here is a quiz to help you determine the health of your relationship.

You may also like: 3 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship: How To Fix It

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How to Keep Yourself Away from Depression?

How To Stop Depression From Ruining Your Life

Depression- an ugly, dirty monster that rules its victims’ lives. Some people lose their battle with it, others are barely surviving. The stigma of depression keeps so many sufferers quiet about their struggles. Yet, talking openly about what depression does to you is the only way to stop it from ruining your life.

Some of my dear friends, loved ones, and myself, have battled depression. The state of depression feels like being trapped in a gray bubble, watching your life slide by you while shaming yourself for your inability to be a responsible, productive person.

It’s high time we ended the negative label of depression and replaced it with a label of bravery. We must encourage ourselves and those around us to speak up about depression. With this article, and the tips herein, I am hoping to get the conversation started and shed some light on how you can stop depression from ruining your life.

Tips to Overcome Depression

1. Look beyond the surface

To cure depression, and stop it from returning once it’s resolved, you must learn its causes. Depression can be caused by traumatic or stressful life events, faulty mood regulation within the brain, certain medications, medical problems and genetic vulnerability.

What is the cause of your depression? Can you pinpoint a recurring trigger? Is there a time of the year when your depression seems to worsen? These are all important questions to answer. You may need to peel back a few layers until you get to the root cause. But it’s imperative to discover what stands at the base of your depression and make peace with the cause(s). Then, you can begin addressing your depression as a side effect.

2. Connect the dots

What made you who you are today? Have you experienced any traumatic life events? Does depression run in your family? Understanding how your past is affecting you today is crucial to finding your way out of depression. Sometimes, there are things that are subtly contributing to your depression. So be ruthless in your search for inner answers. Focus on your pain points and dissect each one of them. Allow these pain points to lead the way to self-discovery.

For example, you may have had a difficult childhood that affected your ability to form close connections, which left you feeling lonely and depressed. Or, depression is so embedded in your family that you don’t know another way of living, so you become complacent and accept the status quo. But you should not give in to depression. And you should certainly not allow it to become a core value in your life.

3. Fight the battle

In an ideal world, what would put an end to your depression? When you suffer from depression it’s very difficult to see your strengths and attributes. But underneath the broken person you think you are there is a brilliant human. Each and every one of us has something special and unique to offer to the world. And before you scoff at this idea and call it a cliché, I’d like to share a brief story with you.

Six years ago I almost lost my battle with depression. I felt useless, worthless, unlovable and undeserving of any good. I thought I had nothing valuable to offer to anyone, including my children. Depression had left me broken into so many pieces it felt impossible to put myself together again. But with the help of loved ones, and through sheer willpower, I did. Today, I am a writer who has inspired thousands of people. I am a nurturing mother and wife, a budding business woman, and the happiest I have ever been. I can’t help but think how much I would’ve missed had I allowed depression to win the battle.

4. Live unapologetically

Do you know what the biggest setback in life is? Fear. We are so afraid of living an authentic life that we box ourselves in this persona we want the world to see. And we do our best to avoid showing too much vulnerability, or uniqueness. Because the simple thought of being anything other than “normal” terrifies us. Therefore, we stay put and we glide through life mindlessly.

A key factor that helped me overcome depression has been becoming less of a people-pleaser. Not too long ago, the idea of upsetting or disappointing someone would fill me with anxiety. But then I realized that trying to please others at the expense of my well-being was self-defeating. I was compromising my identity. And our identities are our guides in life. When we lose them, we become lost as well.

5. Find freedom

When you are depressed, it may seem like there is no escape. You feel like you are drowning in a sea of negative thoughts and painful memories. But I promise you that if you try, keep at it, and focus on the end result, you will defeat depression. So visualize beating depression everyday. Contemplate the things you’ll do and the places you’ll go. Feel the freedom and joy. It’s exhilarating.

If your depression is severe, or you have attempted suicide, please talk about it with loved ones and seek professional help. There are ways to stop depression. Below are a few helpful resources that can guide you through recovery.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours everyday

SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

How To Deal With Depression and Sadness | THIS WAY UP 

You may also like: Become A More Mindful Person: 5 Easy Steps

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Revive Romance in a Relationship

How To Revive Romance In Your Relationship

Given the title, you’re likely expecting to read some juicy tips that will help revive romance in your relationship. But you won’t find them here because, the reality is, picture-perfect romance is just that, picture-perfect. It may be memorable, but it’s short-lived and doesn’t impact the overall well-being of a relationship. Instead, what I am hoping you’ll learn is that romance can be displayed in unconventional ways. And letting go of stereotypes will put you on the path to spotting the subtle signs of romance within your relationship.

I’d like to remind you that some people have a harder time expressing their emotions. So they may find romantic display cheesy and uneasy. Yet other people may genuinely enjoy being romantic. If you find yourself in a relationship with your opposite there are things you can do to ensure your romantic needs are met.

Respark the Romantic Relationship

1. Don’t force yourself to be romantic

Trying to force romance in a relationship will feel unnatural and lead to disappointment. So don’t go out of your way to be romantic if it’s not in your nature, you won’t be able to sustain it. And when that happens your partner will feel misled and long for the person you were. Instead, practice kindness, empathy and be an active listener, you can never go wrong with them. Possessing these qualities will make your partner feel a lot more loved and appreciated.

Another great way to show love for your partner is to replace idealized romance with activities you both enjoy. A candlelit dinner may provide instant gratification, but the next day you go back to the reality of your relationship. What you want is to create bonding memories that positively impact your relationship.

2. Don’t manipulate your partner into being romantic

You may try to manipulate your partner into becoming more romantic. So you sulk, complain, and call your partner out for being an insensitive human being. You may think that the best way to show love is through roses, presents and warm hugs. But your partner may be showing you love through acts of service, or emotional support. Learn to accept that there are different ways to show love, and that type of romantic display may not be your partner’s way.

Mismatched romantic expectations in a relationship are quite common. So communicate openly about them early on in the relationship. Understand how your partner shows love, and how they’d like to receive love. Then offer your point of view and, if necessary, reach a compromise that will leave you both satisfied.

3. Rethink your ideal relationship

Your mother, friend, or cousin may believe a happy relationship must be filled romance but it doesn’t mean it’s the way YOUR relationship should be. There are many ways to make your partner feel deeply loved that don’t involve being very romantic.

For some people deep love means fully trusting their partner. So they show their love through vulnerability and loyalty. Find the moments in which your partner shows these attributes, they are guaranteed to fill up your love tank. Idealized romance is an add-on a relationship can survive without.

4. Accept that all relationships change with time

Contrary to popular belief, changes within a relationship are not bad, they are natural. And all relationships go through inevitable stages of change. The first one is attraction and infatuation when you try very hard to impress each other. Then comes enlightenment when hormones calm down and your connection deepens. Next comes commitment and engagement, the stage in which you establish common values and goals for the future.

Along with the above changes the love you experience for one another also takes different shapes. In the beginning stages, love is passionate, obsessive and playful. Then, this type of love begins to morph into profound love (intense love without the obsessive element of new relationships). It’s important to be aware of this transition since we often expect the former to last forever. And when passionate love turns to profound love we wrongly assume that our relationships lack romance.

Rethink your ideal relationship and you’ll see romance from a different perspective. Remember, all relationships go through highs and lows. Being mindful of that will help you pull through the more difficult, or stale, times. And it will result in a more satisfying and peaceful relationship.

Here is a great quiz to find out your style of romantic attachment.

You may also like: 3 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship: How To Fix It

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