Why do you pretend you are fine while your soul is screaming for help? The forced smiles, out of body laughter, the meaningless conversations through inner tears are all a testimony of your pain. The pain you’ve been living with for so many years.

You have been unable to muster the courage to do something about this pain. So you are still here, stuck in a haze of regret, resentment and wishful thinking. You are hurting to protect others from feeling the way you do.

Hiding the pain

Sometimes you dream of the life you would have had if your choices didn’t lead you here. Other times you wish you could stand up and say “enough”. But you can’t, you won’t, because the price of your happiness comes at the cost of disappointing the people you love the most. So you stay. You remain stuck in this pain that may never go away.

You know you have so much potential and you deserve better. Happiness is within your reach, yet you won’t grab for it because you are so used to your pain. It has become a part of who you are and you’ve accepted it. Maybe living in pain is your destiny.

No one knows how much you’re hurting. You’re doing a very good job at hiding it. But in those moments when you are all by yourself, you confess. You confess to yourself how much being stuck in this pain hurts. And you look at yourself in the mirror and cry. The tears stream down your face, each one of them telling a bit of your life’s story.

being stuck in pain

Peace and harmony

There are actually two stories. The story you’ve been told about yourself, and the story you know about yourself. Sometimes you believe one, other times the other. And sometimes, you believe both. You are lost in your stories. But on the surface, you have it all figured out. You keep it all together for the sake of peace and harmony.

You have been a people pleaser your entire life. While you’ve gotten pretty good at not trying to please everyone, there are still a handful of people you avoid disappointing at all costs. And you’re doing so because you are aware of your own scars. You don’t want to disturb the sand on the bottom of the sea, or the water will turn murky. So you let it be. You allow it to maintain it’s clear blue beauty on the surface.

Repeating history

You have repeated the history you ran away from. The history you are denying to yourself you’ve repeated. However, if you look closer you will be able to see all the mistakes which led you here. You can trace back the wrong turns you took, and rewrite history, but you won’t change it. And this is what’s holding you back, the inability to change the choices which led to broken dreams.

Even now, you are choosing to tell yourself lies about things that will never change. And you worry about the cost you’re paying for accepting these lies. Yet you choose to live with them and foolishly hope one day they will transform into the reality you long for. Until then, you’ll be right here, stuck in your pain.

Your imagination is so rich. You’ve lived your ideal life in your mind so many times and it feels right and peaceful. You’re a dreamer, yet you know most dreams never become reality. It’s life’s way. So carry on with your pain and do your best to leave it undisturbed. It’s the safe way.

Remember, life is short. Are you willing to die with regrets? I hope you’ll be able to answer this question before it’s too late.

I will leave you with the top five regrets dying people have as listed in the book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, by Bronnie Ware.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

 

Read next: Defeat Fear Of Change: Find Happiness

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